Rehearsal Dinner Basics

Whether you are having a small intimate wedding, an elegant soiree, a large raucous party, or a destination wedding, the wedding rehearsal dinner is a wonderful time to connect with the people closest to you - family and friends who have given their support and are likely to be involved in planning and the events of the day itself. This pre-celebration is a time to mingle, chat, say thank you, and spend a little real time together, as the wedding day is likely to be busy, and the reception a whirlwind. 

Rehearsal dinners are often hosted by the parents of the groom, but whether it is the groom's parents, the bride's parents, the couple themselves, or some combination, it is up to the hosts to choose what kind of dinner to have and who to invite. The hosts and the couple can discuss before planning to decide how involved each wants to be, and work together to create the right event.  Both the host and the couple should try to stay flexible - it's meant to be fun! Here are the basics things to consider. 

1) Who
- The bride and groom (of course), immediate family members, and the wedding party, are the traditional invitees to a rehearsal dinner.

- If you have are having a large wedding, or one that includes out of town guests, consider inviting them to this dinner as well. They don't need to come to the rehearsal, but the dinner can act as a Welcome event, and will give you time to connect with those who travelled to see you wed, and you likely won't get much time with them on the day itself. 

- If you are having a destination wedding, consider a small rehearsal and then invite everyone to a welcome dinner in place of the rehearsal dinner.  This helps create a structure to your event and keeps everyone included. If you don't want to host a dinner for all your guests, consider giving info about where to get dinner, and then schedule an 'after party.' Choose a local place, or the hotel bar, for everyone to meet up the night before and chill out together. 

2) What
Practice makes perfect, or at least smooth sailing. The rehearsal itself doesn't need to be a big deal, but it does need to happen.  You've been pouring over the details of your wedding for months, but likely, no one else has. Whether you are having a small, simple ceremony, or a larger wedding to-do, it's important for everyone involved to get together and do a quick walkthrough at the venue.  Where are people starting and standing, what direction are they walking, and how long should it take. This way, everyone is on the same page. No formal words need to be spoken. This is just a dry run through, so you don't have to direct traffic the day of.

The dinner is a time to relax and mingle with friends and family.  Whether formal or casual, use this time to connect with the people you love, and officially start the celebration of your wedding day.

3) When
There is no hard and fast rule for when. Choose a day and time that is most convenient for you, the venue, and your wedding party. While usually done the day before, it matters less when it is, and more that you do it. See Tip 2 above. 

4) Where

Let your party reflect you and your family.

While the Rehearsal itself will take place at the venue, where you have the dinner is up to you. Some venues have space you can use to host a meal right afterwards, you may choose a location nearby, or it may be at the home of the couple or the hosts.  Be sure to include the times of both on your invitation, and include enough time to walk or drive to dinner, considering traffic and parking.

The style of the rehearsal dinner does not need to match the formality or theme of the wedding.  Rehearsal dinners are often the night before the wedding, so a low key, even casual, get together can be a fun way to relax and connect with your wedding party and family before the fast paced wedding day hits.  You should choose a theme or party based on your preferences, and the ideas are wide spread.  

Common ideas are: 

Whether the wedding is formal
or casual a backyard get together
is always a good idea.

 - a backyard BBQ - perfect for a large party, if you have a house set up for entertaining, a large backyard, or access to an outdoor space.

- a dinner at a restaurant - perfect if you have a small to mid-sized party, don't want to or won't have time to cook and don't mind spending the money to let someone else do that work.  Look for a place with rooms you can reserve which will make mingling easier and more fun.  Decide before-hand if there will be a hosted bar, and consider adding that info to the invite so everyone knows what to expect.

- a pizza party coupled with an activity.  Forget formal, and go for fun! Reserve some lanes at a bowling alley, orders some pizzas, and spend a couple of hours laughing with friends and family. Instead of bowling, you could choose a casual restaurant with an arcade, or use the backyard idea and set up yard games for some friendly competition.

- knowing everyone will be getting up early, consider something earlier in the day.  An afternoon tea, or a brunch. Instead of a sit down meal, go tapas style with finger foods, or a themed buffet (I'm thinking tacos!), spread out your chairs and just relax and chat before the big day.

5) How
How you invite your guests is up to the hosts.  
For a small or informal dinner, word of mouth is fine. 
For a small to mid-sized wedding with a technological crowd, or perhaps a destination wedding so the details are easy to find, you could do an email or use social media, like setting up a Facebook event and inviting the guests.  
A traditional rehearsal dinner invitation can be a fun addition to send along with the wedding invitation, or shortly after.  It does not need to match the wedding stationery - it can, and should, have a style of it's own. 

Here are some rehearsal dinner invitations tips:
-Who's name goes first? On most wedding stationery, the bride's name goes first. For the rehearsal dinner invite though, it is appropriate for the groom's name to be first.  Whoever is hosting should also include their name somewhere too.  For same sex unions, stick with the hosted by rule, or use the preferred order of your names.  There isn't really a right and wrong these days - these rules just act as indicators, so stick with your preferences if you aren't sure. 

- While the formality of the event does not need to match the wedding, the invitation itself should reflect the formality of the event.  This is always true for invitations - the style should not only reflect the couple, but the style of the dinner.  The more formal the event, the more formal the invite, and the same for a casual dinner.  This helps your guests know what to wear, so everyone feels prepared. For a formal event, consider adding a dress code line so everyone is on the same page.

- If you are inviting out-of town guests, send an invitation with all the info so that your guests can plan their trip with this in mind, and will have it to reference on the day so they know when and where.  As with wedding invites, consider including a map from local hotels to make it easy for them, and a good contact (that isn't the bride or groom) for any last minute questions.

- Since the dinner will likely be the night before, consider including a start time AND an end time.  This way your guests know what to expect, what to plan for, and you can get home in time to get enough sleep for the big day.


-Include an RSVP and a respond by date.  This can either be a card that will be returned or just an RSVP line at the bottom of the invite. This way you have a count for food and space. 
PRO-TIP: If you are hosting the dinner at a restaurant, coordinate with the restaurant about the menu.  You can either have a smaller menu provided, or provide menu options with the RSVP, so that the restaurant knows what to expect.

Next up, get inspired with some Rehearsal Dinner invitation wording samples and design inspiration.